


The Downfall of Dexter Vex

by KateLouisaRose



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: F/M, Jealousy, Protectiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-22
Updated: 2014-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-16 15:26:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1352389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KateLouisaRose/pseuds/KateLouisaRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“She’s a girl in a team of men. This isn’t a matter of attraction; it’s a matter of self control.” Skulduggery continued, twirling a table knife between his fingers.'<br/>A best friend reserves the right to pass judgement upon their best friend's potential suitors. A best friend should protect their best friend at all costs. A best friend should probably learn to keep his metaphorical nose out of other people's business. (Takes place while the Dead Men are staying in Wolfsong in book eight, 'Last Stand of Dead Men')</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Downfall of Dexter Vex

**Author's Note:**

> Is this the first piece of Skulduggery fanfiction I've written since I was eleven? Yes. Will I regret this tomorrow? Probably.

Dexter was staring. He knew he was staring. The problem was, now that he knew he was staring, he couldn’t stop it. He took a sip of his pint and tried to push a forkful of mashed potato past his lips, swallowing with difficulty.

“No.” Dexter turned his head and raised his eyebrows at Skulduggery, who had followed his line of sight and now had his empty sockets fixed on him disapprovingly.

“I haven’t said, or done anything!” He protested. Skulduggery grunted.

“You’ve got at least eight hundred years on her.” He pointed out, folding his arms as he sank further into the booth. Vex rolled his eyes.

“That’s not what you care about.” He said accusingly, picking at his steak.

“I care about her safety.” Skulduggery said coolly. They both watched Valkyrie laughing at something Saracen had said, her fork poised half way to her pretty mouth and her dark eyes bright with humour. Saracen made some sort of lewd gesture directed at one of the barmaids and Shudder elbowed him hard in the ribs, although he was smiling.

“You didn’t seem to have a problem when she was dating that vampire last year.”

“I didn’t _know_ about the vampire last year.” Skulduggery replied. Valkyrie’s laughter reached them and Dexter’s guarded expression softened.

“Stop it.”

“Oh shut up.”

Vex shovelled some food into his mouth to distract himself, chewing slowly, trying to find another barmaid to divert his attention.

“She’s a girl in a team of men. This isn’t a matter of attraction; it’s a matter of self control.” Skulduggery continued, twirling a table knife between his fingers.

“Valkyrie is eighteen, hardly a girl.” Vex replied, snatching the knife back and continuing to eat his dinner.

“She is in my eyes, and so she should be in yours.”

Dexter glared at him, working a tooth pick between his teeth. “You’re a real misery, you know that?” He muttered around the small piece of wood. “And you don’t even have eyes.”

“Two facts of which I am made constantly aware.” Skulduggery said.

“A imagine a certain little lady has something to do with that,” Vex replied with a smirk.

“Who’s a little lady?”

Vex looked up and plucked the toothpick out of his mouth instinctively as Valkyrie approached.

“Give me strength.” He heard Skulduggery murmur as Valkyrie sat down beside Dexter in the booth.

“Skulduggery thinks you no more than a girl,” Vex stated smugly.

“I can assure you I’m one hundred percent woman.” Valkyrie replied with a smile.

“You have ketchup on your chin,” Skulduggery said, pointing to the corresponding spot on his own skull.

“Oh my God.”

“Don’t worry,” Vex said, handing her a napkin. “Women get food on themselves all the time.” Valkyrie grinned. “It’s true, I’ve seen it.”

Skulduggery cleared his throat loudly and unnecessarily.

“Vex, stop bothering the youth.” Saracen said as he made his way over to their table, pushing his way into the booth as Valkyrie got up. 

“I am _not_ the youth.” She retorted.

“You are the youth,” Skulduggery replied sternly. “The youth-iest of youths. Youthful and young and so very, very off limits.” He added, turning his head to Dexter Vex pointedly.

After wishing them goodnight, Skulduggery left the rest of them alone, tilting his skull close to Vex’s ear before he left. “If you touch her, I will punch you.”

Vex pulled away to look at him, startled.

“You are my friend, Dexter, but I will punch you, and I will punch you very hard.” Vex nodded solemnly and watched him leave, noticing the light touch he placed on Valkyrie’s shoulder where she was stood at the bar. Skulduggery said something to her, and she smiled, and then he went upstairs.

* * *

Vex cleared his throat, resting an elbow nonchalantly against the counter. “You know,” he said, studying Valkyrie’s profile in the warm light. “We could die tomorrow…”

“Oh God,” she groaned, turning to look at him. “You’re not stealing chat up lines from Saracen are you?”

Vex shrugged. “Is it working?” He asked, taking a sip of his drink.

Valkyrie smiled again, looking away. “Maybe.”

She took a cursory glance around the bar, and leaned over very quickly and kissed Dexter Vex on the mouth. Vex leaned into her, felt her soft lips and the length of her body pressed against his, and then it was over. Valkyrie stepped away instantly and wrapped her hands around her cool glass, not meeting his gaze. She was blushing a violent shade of red and Vex just _stared_ at her again.

“Night, Dex.” Valkyrie murmured, after a moment. She left her drink and they shared a brief moment of eye contact before she made her way upstairs to her room. Her room she was sharing with Skulduggery, who did not sleep.

Vex rubbed a hand over his face and ordered another whiskey.

* * *

The dawn that broke the next morning was bright and cold. The colour of an early-morning sunrise picked out the dark splotches of blue and black that coloured the puffy skin around Dexter Vex’s left eye.

“What in God’s name happened to you?” Saracen asked, studying the impressive colouring of Vex’s black eye.

“Nothing.” Vex growled.

“Vex,”

“ _Nothing._ I fell down the stairs. I wrestled a bear. Can we drop it?”

Saracen squinted his eyes at him, but said nothing more. Valkyrie wasn’t looking at him. Skulduggery stood at her side, flexing his right hand unconsciously.

“Let’s move out.” Vex muttered.

“Whatever you say,”

“Shut up, Saracen.”

“You’re the boss.”

“Shut up.”


End file.
